Man to Man

A man now.

The time
has passed
so quickly.

Faster
than sunlight
the scores
of seasons
pass
and you
are no longer
tiny
and frail
and swaddled.

Neither are
you the
adventurous
young boy
on a first bicycle,
fresh unshod,
free of training
wheels just
as you were
free of the
constant
attention of
frightened
first time parents.

You are
a young man
now and not
the clever teen
so much smarter
than anyone
else he knew,
not the angry
half child,
half adult
who maybe
never understood
why your
father was
not around,
why it was
that he didn't
even call.

You are grown
now and I
wish I could
explain to
you what it
has been like
for me too.

I can't.

I mean you
know
about the dope
and the long term rehabs
and the trips to tumble lock grey prisons.

You know
I have failed
at a being a human
in the same way
that I failed you
as a father.

It cheapens
how you must
have hurt,
the feelings
you must
have known
lying alone
at night in
my sisters
home,

your home,

for me to
make excuses
of breakdowns
or to try and
explain
how I felt
the need
to wipe away
hot tears
with arm loads
of sticking pricks.

I can only
ask you

man to man

to give me
another shot
at knowing
you

at loving
you

at having
you
love me.