Having changed meds
and left the
hands that lifted me
from the gutter,
and screwing that up
too.
Having left the girl
who said she
wanted a child,
my child,
who said she
loved me when
all I wanted was
to be fucked and
sucked
by my fantasy mistress
death.
Drive-by
check-ins
of preachers and friends
so very broken
by a Christ church
woman with a
full sleeve tattoo.
Scooters girl
had ruined my
world.
A daughters attack
mortal wounds
a thousands paper cuts
then one hundred
thousand
again.
Having fallen in love
with a Goddess, a queen,
a pulsing bright light,
celestial star.
Laying awake
and knowing
never could I live
up to her imaginings
then sleep
and running to her
like one hundred lives
before,
and knowing
she had always been the one.
I searched
for the solace of words
that would connect
me with
another,
for some teather
that would
connect me to
humanity
in some spiritual way.
I needed a salve for my soul.
Having checked the post
on Friday, then putting it off
I opened the
book
that
opened
my
heart.
I read her words the words
of a Jewish Yankee
Colombia MFA
and she answered.
Why
I asked
and she replied
Because.
